Single versus communal

The single life is a concoction of the late 20th century.  As Eberhard Arnold points out in his book, "Why we Live in Community," it is the nature of all created life to live in community, not alone.  Animals move in packs, herds, flocks, schools, and humans naturally form families.  The desire for family is strong.  Look at the current debate about same-sex marriage, which I will not delve into except to say that even among those living a very non-traditional lifestyle, the desire for permanent committed bonds to others is present.

Renowned author and Benedictine Sister Joan Chittister remarked in a recent retreat in Erie, Pennsylvania, that John Wayne's movie characters epitomized what has become an American value: that of rugged individualism.  His films glamorized going solo, living single, a solitary figure riding across the plains of life. Secular feminism does the same thing, essentially telling women to ignore  the emotional and spiritual need for others for the sake of self-seeking career success.  Certainly, careers can be satisfying.  But is this freedom and happiness?  Or the drudgery of loneliness, a solitude unbroken by the ability to share and celebrate the passages of life with others?  I am thinking of Meryl Streep's character in the film,  "The Devil Wears Prada," whose obsession with her personal success alienates her husband and drives away intimacy.  Is that what I wish to become?  Where is the sweet spot of work for the mind and sharing for the heart?

For me, I realized that being the maiden Aunt was losing its charm.  On a recent beach vacation I was supposed to go with one other friend.  The friend, who is currently in the dog house, bailed on me at the last minute.  I could not get out of the hotel reservation and off I went.  I envied the families I saw playing and relaxing on the beach, the women enclosed in the embrace of husband and children.  That for me has become the emotional reality of single life.

I am reasonably independent on a day to day basis, but for the long haul I much prefer the security of knowing that others will be there for me if I fall, in illness, in joy, and in my old age.  I have no children to visit me in the nursing home, and I have no spouse with whom to share a lazy Saturday morning.  

So, I thought, why suffer?  Hundreds of thousands of single childless women find joy in each other in holy community.  I will profile some of them for you in days to come.  I wish you could see their joy in the littlest and biggest moments of life.  They shower affection on the oldest members of their communities and some have known each other for years and years, sharing a deep history and a trove of memories.

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